Filling in the gaps

After these thing God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!" And he said, "Here I am." He said "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains that I shall show you. Abraham then said, "WTF God I just got this kid and now you want me to make a BBQ out of him? That's cold." God answered saying, "Quit your whining, you are lucky I'm not making shish kabobs out of you with a lightning bolt so quit the cry baby act and do what I told you." Abraham asked again, " So how am I supposed to father a YOUR nation when I don't even have a son?" God respond, "Whats with the fifty questions Abe? You are starting to piss me off!" So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took tow of his young men with him, and his son Issac; he cut the wood for the burnt offering, and set out and went to the place in the distance that God had shown him. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place far away. Then Abraham said to his young me, "Stay here with the donkey; the boy and I will go over there; we will worship, and then we will come back to you. The young men said "really after all this work you are just leaving us with the ass, this is like when Shrek has to listen to Eddie Murphy for three movies." Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. So the two of them walked on together. Isaac said to his father Abraham, "Father!" And he said "Here I am my son." He said, "The fire and the wood are here, but where is the lamb for the burt offering. You have been getting pretty forgetful in your old age. I didn't want to say anything at the house because I thought we would go to Walmart and pick one up there before we came but I guess you just forgot." Abraham said, "God himself will provide the lamb for a burt offering, my son." So the two of them walked on together.
When they came to the place that God had shown him, Abraham built an altar there and laid the wood in order. He then attempted to tie up his son who swiftly kicked him in the groin and said "What the hell dad! First you take a knife after little Isaac and now this! No wonder God didn't give you a son till now! At this point I think Marlyn Manson would have made a better father." Then Abraham chloroformed his son. He bound his son Isaac, and laid him on the alter, on top of the wood. THen Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to kill his son. But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven, and said, "Abraham, Abraham! Slow up your are on MTV's punked! Ashton put me up to it and I couldn't resist. "Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me." And Abraham said "O gosh God you got me good. I was going to do it too. Damn you Ashton!" And Abraham looked up and saw a ram, caught in a thicket by its horns. Isaac said "Bout damn time!" Abraham took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son. And they all lived happily ever after